


Fixable

by SaiyanPrincess3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Self Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5254085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiyanPrincess3/pseuds/SaiyanPrincess3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader suffers from self harm issues and Sam finds her in the bathroom cutting and tries his best to make her feel better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixable

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very personal to me as I suffer from these issues myself. If anyone that reads this is suffering come talk to me, I’ll do whatever I can to help you, you’re not alone!

Laying in your bed you thought about all the things you had done wrong. There was such a strong feeling of disappointment that came from yourself you didn’t think you could handle it from anyone else. You knew you weren’t a good hunter, you knew you drug Sam and Dean down. They were better off without you.

You slipped out of your room and crept to the bathroom. It was your safe place. You locked the door and dug to the deepest corner under the bathroom sink and found the torn apart razor that you had stashed back there. Tears were beginning to creep into your eyes. You fought to force them back. You didn’t deserve tears, you deserved blood.

The blade pulling against your skin felt better than any pain reliever ever had. You watched slowly as the blood formed into little tears on your arm. It flowed like a small stream. You needed more. You drug the razor against your arm again. That was for all the people you couldn’t save, you pulled it again, that was for all the times you said the wrong thing, again, for all the times you couldn’t make Sam or Dean feel better, again, you weren’t good enough.

“[Y/N]?” there was a pounding at the bathroom door.

“Go away!” Your voice was weak, filled with sobs that you’d restrained. Sam’s fist pounded on the door again as you pulled the blade against your skin watching the blood come. “Just go away…” You knew you’d be okay soon.

“[Y/N], please don’t…” His voice was soft and pleading but you knew you deserved this. You deserved to bleed. You were pathetic, worthless, a mistake. Sam’s choked sobs met your ears.

“Sam, just leave me alone!” You tried to sound strong but the words that escaped your lips were broken.

“[Y/N]! Please listen to me! You don’t have to do this!” His words played in your head but you knew he was wrong.

“Yes, I do Sam…” The blood pooled again as you sliced another cut into your arm. “I’m not good enough…” There was another stream flowing. You could hear Sam’s back press against the door as he slid down sitting on the floor mimicking you.

“You deserve everything, [Y/N]. Why can’t you see that?” His words were soft. The compassion only served to make your tears flow faster. The salty tears mixed with the coppery blood on the floor as you continued your sinful deed. “Please…” His voice was choked with his own sobs now. You hated hurting Sam but you couldn’t resist hurting yourself. “Don’t shut me out… I shut everyone out when I was suffering… It doesn’t help… Please don’t shut me out…”

You knew what Sam had been through, his addiction to demon blood, you knew he was the only person that could possibly understand in your life. You still didn’t let him in. You didn’t want him to see you in this state.  _‘You’re pathetic.’_ You though to yourself.  _'You don’t deserve Sam.’_  The words kept ringing in your ears accompanied by the cries of the people you couldn’t save. Sam knew about your problem and always tried to help but this time you didn’t want his help. You wanted to feel everything and you deserved the pain.

“[Y/N], I know you don’t think you are better than this but you are…” You crawled over to the bathroom door and sat with your back against it mimicking Sam’s actions on the other side. “Please… Let me help…” Your sobs were making it too hard to speak so you slid away and unlocked the door, allowing him to enter.

When he walked in and laid his eyes on the scene in front of him there was no judgment on his face or in his eyes just sadness for the woman he loved. Lifting you into his arms he walked you over to the sink and turned the water on. He held your arm under it rubbing away the blood that had dried to your skin. His eyes were measured and his face controlled. When he finished cleaning your arm he patted it down softly before retrieving the gauze and tape he would need to wrap it. You watched him work and marveled at the man that stood before you, so kind and loving, how could you deserve this.

“Sam… I’m sorry…” His hazel eyes met your [Y/E/C] ones and he shook his head.

“I don’t want your apologies, [Y/N]. I know what it feels like to be so ashamed of something you do but not able to stop.” His voice was soft and sad and it broke your heart all over again. He would never berate you for your shortcomings or make you feel bad for your weakness. Sam simply shouldered what you couldn’t and pulled you through. Your eyes followed Sam’s hands as he bandaged you up, his fingers grazing over your skin so gently it almost felt like they weren’t there at all.

When he finished he pulled you into his arms and held you there for what felt like an eternity. “Sam, baby, I’m so sorry.” You fisted his shirt pulling him as close to you as you could. “I know you don’t want to hear it but I have to say it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I don’t know why this makes me feel better but it does for a whie…” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“You don’t need to know why, you don’t need to understand, what you need to do is come to me when you feel like this… I can help. Let me help, [Y/N].” Your tears started falling again. You didn’t know what you had done to deserve a man like Sam Winchester but you were thanking whoever was listening for bringing him into your life.

“Sam, I love you so much… I hate to hurt you like this… I just feel like I can’t stop sometimes…” Two of his fingers found their way under your chin and tilted your head up so you were looking at him.

“Do you think I wanted to hurt Dean when I couldn’t stop drinking demon blood? I didn't… I know what it feels like, baby.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “I know you don’t want to hurt me, hunny. I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you… I hate seeing you so hurt and lost that this is the only thing you can do to fix it. Lean on me, let me be your strength when you don’t feel like you have any left.” He always knew what to say. He always knew how to bring you back from the edge and make you feel like you could survive.

“I can never promise I won’t feel like this, but I will come to you.” You closed your eyes and nuzzled back into his chest listening to the strong heartbeat through his shirt. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Sam.”

“I’m not going anywhere, [Y/N]. I’ll always be here. One of his long fingered hands was smoothing the hair on the back of your head while the other traced small circles on your back. “What can I do for you now?” You pressed tighter to him.

“This. This is the best thing you can do for me.” With those words he tucked one arm under your legs and lifted you bridal style and carried you to the room you shared.

“Then we’re going to lay in bed like this all day. Whatever you need.” A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as he laid you in the bed and crawled in after. You pulled the blanket up over the two of you and rested your head on his chest again. If there was ever a place you’d call heaven it was there laying with the man you loved that loved you. It was in that place that you felt like nothing could ever be better than it was right there. In that moment you felt like you could forget everything that was weighing on your mind. “I love you, [Y/N], forever.”

“I love you too, babe.” Closing your eyes, listening to Sam’s steady heart you slowly drifted to sleep and dreamed of spending every day for the rest of your life like this.


End file.
